I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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