Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
