come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
