a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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