i barfeds in our rink
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
