I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
