I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
