Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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