why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
