she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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