Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
