the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
honey bunches of taint.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize