Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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