The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
