Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
