no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize