i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There r osticjed everywhere
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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