hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
