I wish i was in the wii world.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
