you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The uberlube is also flammable
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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