I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
