he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
