we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
