How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
