I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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