You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
