Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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