You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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