Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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