does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
As shirtless as possible
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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