you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
