TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
