I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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