i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
