She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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