Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
