hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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