i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The air was thick with penises
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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