she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
