It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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