I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
