the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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