Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
