batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
