your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
