everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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