You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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