I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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