I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
