just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
