I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
