i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
