the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
