Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
