I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
