Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
