just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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