I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
