Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize