Whod you bang
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
