NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
