somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
