She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
