Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
