How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
