i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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