I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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